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Story: "Resplendent"
Rating: T
Words: 3,533
December 2011
“Let me take you
somewhere, Kate?”
It was out of his mouth
before he could stop himself – he half regretted asking. And he felt certain she’d shoot him
down. Braced himself for what was sure
to be a rejection because they weren’t ready.
Well, she wasn’t ready. Sometimes he wasn’t even sure of what she wanted to be ready for considering that
all he had to go on was subtext and the way she’d been smiling at him
lately. But when Kate Beckett smiled, it
did something to him. Took a hold of him
and shook everything up inside. And
wasn’t that the whole reason he’d come back here? Because he couldn’t let it go – let her go.
He just really, really wanted
to show her.
She looked surprised,
nervous maybe. He couldn’t blame
her. He’d just walked back into the
precinct after a not so long ago fight and now they were inching towards the
edge of her very carefully constructed boundaries. Questions they didn’t ask. Places they couldn’t visit…yet.
But still, it was out there now.
And it was almost Christmas. He’d
wanted to show her this last year and…well, last year there’d been Josh and
Gina. A number of obstacles that they
never spoke about yet, were always hyper aware of. But now, now
they were somewhere different. Sometimes
he just needed to give it a little push.
He couldn’t…he wouldn’t take it back.
He’d tried to leave
after their argument. Had gone home,
picked up the keys to his Ferrari and taken off. She knew exactly how to get under his skin
and damn it, it hurt. He just needed to
drive it out. Feel the power under his
fingertips as he shifted from fourth to fifth gear, racing away from the
city. A little bit of something he could
control. So unlike this thing with
her. She held all the power. She always had, really.
But out there,
distanced, driving away, he’d realized that maybe the reason she’d been
snapping at him all day had less to do with not wanting him around and more to
do with the fact that every time she’d glanced at the clock, she looked a
little more worn down. As though she was
moving towards an inevitable breakdown.
Maybe she was. Christmas couldn’t
be all that easy for her. So close to
her mother’s death. He hadn’t been
around the precinct much around this time the last couple of years. Had always been wrapped up in his own holiday
traditions. He could kick himself for
not putting two and two together sooner.
Before he’d taken it personally – made it about him. But he could do this for her now. If only she’d let him.
He watched as she bit at
her bottom lip, brow furrowed in that cute little way he’d noticed it always
did when she was trying to figure something out.
“Okay.”
His eyes immediately
snapped to hers, breath catching in his throat.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, Castle,” she
said, her face unreadable but for the slightest hint of curiosity. “Just let me grab my coat.”
XXX
She didn’t know why she
was saying yes. It was the day before
Christmas Eve and she should be working.
She always worked extra this time of year. It was the only thing she knew how to do to make it work. Christmas. It’d just never been the same for her since
her mom died.
But they’d had a stupid
fight. A really stupid fight. She was tired and stressed and just on the
edge of losing it because as much as she told herself that her tradition was
what she needed, all she really wanted
now was to have that same innocently hopeful look in her eyes that she’d been
seeing all day in Castle’s. He’d been
nagging her about the holidays and her plans and trying his best to make her
smile and she’d finally snapped at him.
She’d watched as his
face fell, suddenly felt sick to her stomach for taking away his joy. Just because she was damaged didn’t mean she
had to break him too. And then, he’d
left. Told her he was sorry and that
he’d let her work in peace. Instead of
feeling relieved, she’d only felt alone.
Ugh, why did he have to
be so freaking sensitive? It wasn’t
about him. He always had to keep pushing
one step further than what she was capable of. Couldn’t he understand that this
time of the year wasn’t easy for her?
But of course, he didn’t
know. How would he know when she didn’t
let him past her barriers? It was her
fault he didn’t know that as soon as that winter chill set in, she didn’t warm
up until well into spring. Her fault
that he’d felt like he needed to cheer her up in the first place. She was being selfish and damn, if she didn’t
miss him the minute he’d walked out the door.
He made her want things. Things that seemed just out of reach.
And now she’d said
yes. Was letting him take her who knows
where. Because maybe, maybe she couldn’t give him everything
yet. But she could give him this.
XXX
He was trying so hard to
keep his eyes on the road. The holiday
traffic in town was ridiculous. He just
still couldn’t believe Kate had agreed to come.
She’d said yes and had even gotten into his car with only the slightest
raise of an eyebrow when she’d seen what he’d driven that night. He’d expected some kind of sarcastic
comment. Expected her to at least hijack
his keys until he told her where they were going.
Instead, she sat quietly
beside him in the passenger seat, staring out the window, and he was afraid if
he didn’t keep checking to make sure she was there, she’d somehow vanish. That she might just be a cruel figment of his
imagination.
He snuck another glance
in her direction, watching as the city lights and Christmas decorations glinted
a pattern across her face, a sparkling red and green Manhattan reflected in her
eyes.
She turned to meet his
gaze, eyes amused. “Quit staring at me,
Castle, I’m not going to disappear on you or something. But we’re not going to make it out of the
city alive if you don’t start watching the road.”
He huffed out a nervous
laugh, relaxing a little. It really was
creepy how she could do that.
He heard her mumble
something to the nature of, “This is why I never let you drive.” But he could
see the hint of a smile on her face.
“Sorry, I just,” he
paused, searching for the right words.
“Thanks for coming.”
She shrugged. “Sorry I snapped at you earlier. It’s just been a long…week.”
He reached over and
squeezed her hand lightly. “It’s okay,
really. I should have left you alone in
the first place.”
He was about to pull
back when her fingers closed around his, trapping his hand against her leg.
“Don’t,” she said,
quietly.
His pulse quickened, a
slow fire spreading throughout his body at her touch. Don’t?
He looked at her. Watched as she stared down at their joined
hands, preoccupied, worrying her bottom lip again. “Don’t what, Kate?
After a pause, she
finally looked up - met his eyes. “Don’t
leave me alone, Castle.”
XXX
Her hand still burned
from the contact. Her body had
completely betrayed her tonight. First
the touching; then, the words. They had
a will of their own, spilling from her mouth before her head could catch
up. But she couldn’t deny their
truth. She was tired of alone. Tired of feeling empty. Tired of living in the darkness. She realized she didn’t want him to let her
get away with things anymore. He needed
to push so that she would keep fighting, keep working towards them.
He looked as shocked as
she felt. Shocked and then…so hopeful
she finally had to let go, turn back away to the window. Baby steps, Kate. Breathe.
She had no idea where he
was taking her. The city was long behind
them now. The only lights from the
sporadic houses they’d pass, decorated with gleaming Santas and snowmen, and
the glow of the dashboard of Castle’s car.
It cast a red shadow over his face.
She watched as he plugged his phone into the audio jack in the car, and
scrolled through his music.
“This okay?” he asked,
after choosing a music app that played the soft tones of Christmas jazz. “I can put it on something else if you don’t
want holiday music.”
“No, leave it, it’s
nice,” she replied and he smiled contentedly, settling back into his seat.
She’d expected to be
terrified, giving over the control, letting Castle surprise her. But as nervous as she was about wherever he
was taking her – whatever this plan of his was - she found herself relaxing
deeper into her seat the further they drove.
She closed her eyes; let the lull of the engine and the warm melody of
the piano soothe the stress of the day away, her mind drifting seamlessly as
they sped past the border of New York and into Connecticut. For the first time in weeks, she felt lighter
somehow. More at peace than she’d been
in a while.
XXX
God, she was so
beautiful. She’d drifted off somewhere
around the time they’d passed into Connecticut and he was more than content to
let her sleep. Judging by the dark
circles under her eyes the last few days, she needed it. And that’s what tonight was about
anyway. Sharing this little bit of peace
with her. Part of the joy and light and
the good.
He checked his phone to
make sure he was on the right road and slowed to turn. He and Alexis had found this place several
years ago one day when they’d been on an epic drive to see lights. They’d both fallen in love with it and his
anticipation increased exponentially as he caught the first glimpse of the sign
marking the attraction.
He hoped it would be
every bit as breathtaking as he remembered.
It was all theirs tonight.
He’d remembered it
several days ago. Had been devastated to
find that he was too late. That the last
night it’d been open had been the week before.
He’d had to call Paula, gotten her to pull some strings and they’d
eventually agreed to open for them, for no small sum. He used these perks less and less these days,
no longer felt the need to constantly impress.
But he would use them in a heartbeat if it meant he had a chance to show
this to Kate.
He came to a stop
gradually and shifted into park, pausing for a moment before waking her. Watched the steady rise and fall of her
chest, the faint trace of a smile on her face.
His mind briefly replayed the horrors of the day of Montgomery’s
funeral. He was so lucky. So
lucky to have her sitting here beside him.
Even though they weren’t together, she was here. She was here with him and he had hope.
He resisted the urge to
tuck the loose strands of hair that had fallen across her cheek behind her
ear. Settled instead for brushing his
hand along her shoulder. “Wake up,
Kate. We’re here,” he said, softly.
She sighed and he felt
her lean into his touch. “‘S not
morning, Castle. Go back to sleep,” she
mumbled drowsily.
He choked on a breath,
coughing a few times and shook his head in wonder. She was going to be the death of him. The things that two little half-asleep
sentences did to his insides. What was
it about this woman?
His coughing fit seemed
to rustle her back into consciousness and she blinked several times, eyes
coming to focus on him.
“What’s going on?” she
asked, yawning as she leaned back to stretch.
He caught the barest glimpse of skin as her shirt rose up and struggled
to pull his eyes away.
He could feel his pulse
increasing and he swallowed nervously, suddenly anxious to see her
reaction. “We’re here.”
XXX
He still wouldn’t tell
her where they were. Part of her wanted
to kill him. She didn’t do these kinds
of things. Didn’t let a man take her away
from work and the city two days before Christmas. Certainly never let herself be completely
surprised.
But that was Castle,
wasn’t it? He somehow managed to be both
the constant force in her life and a never-ending surprise. She may be the one with walls but there was a
depth to him that she’d written off initially.
A depth that wrapped around her heart and chipped away at the barriers,
filling the cracks she’d thought were beyond repair.
She stepped cautiously
through the darkness, Castle’s hand steady and warm against her side, a barrier
that shielded her from the chill of the air.
And as much as she wished she could deny it, she felt her excitement
building.
“Almost there,” his
voice ghosted across her ear, whispering hot against the night and sent shivers
racing down her spine.
She turned to him,
unconvinced, as they went left around a cluster a trees, “Castle, I don’t see
anything. Are you sure we’re in the right place?”
He grinned and stopped
abruptly, removed his hand from her back and placed both hands on her shoulders
instead. Before she could protest, he’d
spun her around, and was telling her: “Look.”
She opened her mouth;
ready to question him again and then, suddenly stopped, no longer capable of
forming words. She felt her breath catch
in her throat. It was…stunning.
She took in the scene
around her, eyes wide and bright. They
were surrounded by giant oaks with branches swooping downward and stretching
high into the air. Twisting and curling
a canopy over their heads. The kind of
trees with history, centuries old, heavy and solid. And in the midst of this forest there were
hundreds of candles in two rows, lighting a path to what appeared to be the
entrance of a garden, shimmering full of light.
The tiny flames cast a
glow that flickered and danced off the woods, brought everything to life in the
night – rich, warm, magical. It was as though she’d been swept into
another time. And she was completely
enchanted by it all.
“Wow,” she gasped.
She didn’t know what
she’d expected when she’d climbed into Castle’s car, letting him drive her away
from the stress of the day. But this…it
was more than she could have ever imagined.
She could feel him close behind her, his body warm at her back and she
unconsciously reached for his gloved hand.
“So, do you like you
it?” Castle asked hesitantly, stepping up beside her, grasping her palm to his.
She nodded, still at a
loss for words and he grinned knowingly at her, eyes sparkling in the
candlelight. “Come on, let me show you
the gardens.” He gently tugged on their
joined hands, and guided her down the pathway.
XXX
It was incredibly
surreal. She felt as though all of her
senses had been ignited, heightened by the luminous flames, the low hum of
Castle’s voice painting pictures in her mind, and the soft sound of Christmas
hymns as they weaved their way along the path.
He knew all of the history here.
Had been inspired after seeing this place with Alexis and gone home and
researched it all. He told her the
stories of each of the gardens and sculptures as they moved throughout the
night, stopping only to get hot cider from the couple who managed the property.
Castle said this was
usually open for a few weeks leading up to Christmas. Depending on the night there was different
entertainment. Carolers, children’s
choirs, bells. Tonight, since it was
only open for them, they’d set up the sound system to play hymns. The melodies lilted throughout the space,
seemed to echo the rhythm of the light that danced across the trees.
Every time she thought
she’d seen her favorite, they reached another garden that was even more
captivating. There were so many
different lights.
A fountain with
sculptures that was full of colored floating balls and candles. They reflected against the water, giving the
illusion that they were both above and below the surface.
Christmas strands of
white and multi-colored orbs were strung along trees and bushes. Candles spread
everywhere throughout flowerbeds, on the stone walls separating different
gardens, and set amongst the lowest branches of the oaks.
It was all so
breathtakingly beautiful. The perfect
picture of hope and Christmas that filled her heart in a way she hadn’t
believed was possible again.
They paused for a moment
at the entry to the last garden and the moment she saw it, she knew it would
stay her absolute favorite. It was
smaller, more intimate, and illuminated by hundreds of floating white lanterns,
suspended in the air. A canopy of soft
light that shone resplendent above them.
“This one is my
favorite, too,” Castle said, as they reached a bench engraved with two
names.
She watched as he traced
the engraving with his fingertips, seemingly lost in thought.
“Do you know their
story?” she asked, and found herself hoping that he did.
“I wish I could say yes
but I don’t. Although, the idea that it
must have been their little secret is also nice. When Alexis and I found
this, I imagined them sitting here, him with a book or maybe writing. Her stretched across the bench, head against
his legs, reading, as he absentmindedly strokes his hand through her hair. Just the two of them in their own little
world together. And I wondered what it
must have been like to share such beauty with someone you love.”
She felt herself go
still. She could picture it all so
vividly. His words. Always
his words. Reaching her in a way
that nothing else – no one else ever had.
Both scaring her yet somehow infusing her with courage. It was now or never.
She sat down on the
bench and held out her hand to him.
“Share it with me?”
The look that he gave
her was so full of love that she could feel her heart pounding in her chest.
He sat down beside her,
a few inches away, still holding her hand.
“That’s all I want to do Kate, share it with you,” he said softly.
She took a deep
breath. Knew she needed to say
this. Another step, another brick
removed from the wall. He deserved to
know.
“Thank you for coming
back today. For not letting me push you
away. Christmas…it’s not easy for me,
Castle. If you hadn’t already figured it
out, my tradition is to work. After my mom died and I joined the force, I
decided to work for those who did have families left. People to go home to. But, tonight…this,” she said gesturing. “I didn’t even realize how much I needed
this. You showed me light again. That there is beauty and warmth and joy still
left. And, I know I’m not ready yet for…everything…but I want to be. And this is the
first time since that winter, that I’ve wanted it again,” she finished, turning
to meet his gaze, eyes shining.
He looked at her, in awe
for a moment, before tugging her over to his side, close against him. “You
deserve that joy, Kate. I hope you know
that. We’ll get there.”
“I know, Castle…I know,”
she said, leaning against him, content to share the warmth he radiated. Content to share the beauty.
XXX
As they walked away from
the gardens, she turned to look one last time, soaking in the last of the
twinkling lights, sad to leave them behind.
She closed her eyes for
a moment, trying to memorize the night.
Somehow imprint it onto her mind.
She never wanted to let go of this piece magic he’d given her.
She felt his grip
tighten around her waist and he moved closer to press a kiss against her
cheek. “Merry Christmas, Kate.”
She wasn’t ready
yet. But she would be. Nights like this gave her hope. He gave her hope. She wasn’t alone anymore.
“Merry Christmas,
Castle.”
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